It’s basically like I’m reliving my unstable, glorious childhood all over again…
Breathless from crying, she uttered “I’m happy for him, but I’m sad for me…”
My mother recently lost a very close friend of hers. It was an eye-opener to me, her, and many others, as are all unexpected deaths. Life can be taken in an instant. Most people try to live each day without mishap, for one wrong move could be the last. Since this event occurred, I have pondered what I would write and couldn’t wrap my head around the words I wanted to say. I know that my mom poured emotion, and I sat helpless because I didn’t know what to say. She spoke about how often he had stated that he wasn’t meant for this world and that he couldn’t wait to go home (to Heaven). She said that she is happy for him that he is home now with his mother, who he loved dearly, but that she is sad for herself because now she has to live without him. Growing up there are life lessons on how to be responsible, how to tie shoe laces, how to stand up for ourselves. However, there are no lessons on how to deal with loss and all the emotions that come along with it.
Can’t remember the last time the thought
Life is beautiful
Crossed my mind…
Sometimes we learn best through the dreams we have while sleeping.
This year has been a struggle for my family. Everyday I face feelings of uncertainty and fears of loss. I was doodling trying to take my mind off of worries, but they always come right back. I drew a simple dream catcher, but at the end of it I wrote, “catch my reality… leave my dreams…”
Now I have typed several sentences and deleted them, over and over. There is no words to describe how stuck I feel. I guess I just feel trapped, helpless, and like the walls are closing in.
Lonely is an ache like no other.
It’s an ache that resides deep within your soul,
And leaves its path throughout your mind.
Lonely is wanting,
Wanting to do away with solitude.
It’s wanting conversation,
At least someone’s presence.
Lonely is a feeling I can’t shake,
And it’s taking up within.
Why is that we crave what we shouldn’t have?
Crave what we don’t need,
Looking past what is right in front of us?
Why is that we are not satisfied with the good,
And look forward to guilt?
At this moment my mind is a wasteland,
Intended for troubled thoughts and selfish acts.
At this moment I am guilty of wanting more,
Wanting what I don’t need.